Bolton 2nd Versus De La Salle 2nd

Its symptoms include hot sweats, a shaking body and unavailability. Bolton’s 2XV had numerous (around 12) players drop out this weekend due to this horrible illness, this meant changes to the team which inevitably meant Bolton’s consistency was effected.

Due to the first half being a sorry state of affairs I have listed five historical events that were more exciting to watch:

1) The Tom Relph pre game captains speech against Blackburn 2XV on 29th October 2012.

2) The Les Towler Excel spreadsheet training course on December 13th 1996.

3) The Andy Leigh / Lloyd Green audio book car journey to a game in April 2006.

4) A lesson in politics from David Meir (Specializing in the four finger solution) in 2005.

5) A conversation with Michael Singleton on how he completed the Iron Man in 1989 and 2011.

Half Time: De La Salle 2XV 35 – 0 Bolton 2XV

With the second half being just as bad I have listed five things I would rather have been doing, and then my five favourite tropical fruits:

6) Meet Nick Bridges at Bolton bus station and travel the North West stopping at garden centres to look at conifer trees.

7) Complete a day of community service in the Avenue Street allotments whilst being whipped by the chain gang supervisor called “Dirty Derek” from Strangeways.

8) Spend the day at Uncle Nelson’s canoe & Water sports club dressed only in a Borat costume.

9) Make severe intense passionate love to a cactus plant whilst being hit in the face by a balloon filled with horse semen.

10) Listen to the Andy Leigh / Lloyd Green audio book whilst running the iron man next to gay Mike where at the end of the race completing a debtors excel spreadsheet by Les Towler whilst being hit with a balloon filled with horse semen by Tom Relph in a Borat costume singing his captains speech.

FAVOURITE TROPICAL FRUITS (Random but better than the match)

• Bael Fruit – Named after Gareth Bale’s dyslexic father.
• Doringu – Named after the Ex Leeds United full back Tony Dorigo.
• Pomegranate – Unknown but juicy.
• Loquat – Unknown but tasteful.
• Lychee – Unknown but spicy.

A handful of people played well on Saturday and never stopped, the rest didn’t show. Bolton 2XV let down themselves, the club and Egyptian President Anwar Sadat’s memory. Next week sees them press the reset button and start again against fierce rivals Eccles 2XV at home in front of the rowdy beer festival faithful on opera legend Paul Potts’ birthday 13th October 2012. Let’s do it for Paul.

Final Score: De La Salle 2XV 61 – 0 Bolton 2XV

MOTM (Best of a bad bunch): Mark Townsend – “Showed aggression and intensity whilst others slept”.

Tries: Nil

Convs: Nil

Comment of the day, Mikey said to me, "Go steady on me. Won't you tell me what Dave Mann said? When they came down from Heaven, Smoked nine 'til seven, in compost corner 9 til 5, But they couldn't escape from you, Couldn't be free of you, And now they know there's no way out, And they're really sorry now for what they've done, They were De La Salle just trying to have some fun." (Taken from “The Mike Singy Memoirs” on sale now in all really terrible book stores).

Regards,

Nash Bridges

EVERYTHING LISTED ABOVE IS PURELY THE THOUGHTS AND VIEWS OF AN UNKNOWN SPECTATOR AND NOT THE VIEWS OF A PLAYER WITHIN THE SQUAD.