Bolton 2nd XV vs West Park St Helens 2nd XV

The 5th October has been an important date throughout the years in 869 - 4th Council of Constantinople (8th ecumenical council) opens, in 1143 - The king Alfonso VII of Leon recognises Portugal as a Kingdom. In 1465 - French King Louis XI signs peace with Charles the Stout Italian troops occupy Tripoli, in 1912 - Billy Mallett of Hamilton Tigers kicks 9 singles in a game, and then 101 years later it was 3ft 2” tall Rob Terry who slotted 15 points to help Bolton 2nd XV beat West Park St Helen’s 2nd XV at Avenue St.

Anyway, it’s Sunday and that is match report day...it’s also a day everyone feels necessary to update their Facebook status’ with “Oh I’m sore” or “Caught a pass today, I’m brilliant” and other generic garbage.....

Anyway the game started later than a pregnant woman after a crash halted the away teams arrival, Bolton however had been out warming up for 3 hours 22mins, even partially deaf prop Mark Townsend was on time as the kick off had moved to 3.30pm and Alex Waddicar’s dad had just woke up on the kitchen floor.

Bolton started quickly and moved down the pitch at a rampant speed, Rob “wild berry” Terry putting the home team on the board with a penalty kick. Bolton continued to march up the field as the wind and thunder boot of Boris Johnson secured Bolton’s status in the West Park 22. From a resulting set piece the home grown potato Mike “The Dinghy” Singy aimed a pin point kick over the West Park defence which allowed the ever busy earth worm Marcus O’Donohoe to rise quicker than Ron Jeremy and snatch the ball before diving over the whitewash. Terry slotted the kick like a seasoned pro, the score now 10 – 0.

The first half then became a stop start affair, and West Park used their sizable pack to rumble over the Bolton try line from a line out...this upset the Bolton momentum but only slightly. The rest of the half saw Bolton dominate the game, flanker’s Alex “little Simon Barlow” Quegan and debutant man of the match James “Dolph Lungdren” Higgins scraping like aids ridden pigeons for the ball at the breakdown. It was also the ever encouraging runs from second rows Cheetham and chick boy lover John Stryker making ground that set the platform.

As Bolton’s forwards battled for possession it was the backline making most of the space, the ball found its way through the bulky centre combination of Keech and Bowling before reaching the galloping Robocop lookalike James “suicidal” Howarth, Howarth beat several defenders before scoring close enough for Terry to again add the conversion.

Whistle blew (again)....half time.

Half Time: Bolton 2nd XV 17 – 7 West Park St Helens 2nd XV

As the animals drank from the Marriott oasis and listened to their Rafiki like coach the message was to carry the ball lower, and more importantly stay quiet when it was extremely difficult not to, everything else was going to plan.

The time was now 4.20pm and the smell from the Bavarian beer tent was enticing the Bolton pack towards the “community service allotment end” of the field. Excellent running from the chunky duo of Hampson and Manny Tailor started to cause problems for the West Park defence but Bolton could only kick a penalty when they felt like they could of scored a try, Terry again the man to put the points on the board.

At 20-7 Bolton knew they had to seal the game with another couple of scores, however poor defence allowed the West Park backs to slot a kick in behind and get back into the game, the conversion was added and West Park were within 6 points of the home team. To make matters worse the referee decided to send off the impressive Andy “Hollywood” Bowling after an alleged punching incident. This riled both teams as the intensity grew at the Theatre of Trees. The score sitting at 20 – 14 to Bolton.

Bolton knew they needed the next score and moved up the pitch after a series of West Park misdemeanours, the Bolton lineout was working a treat all day and as the red and white tank moved forward it was the nippy boisterous prop Jack Frost who barged over the line to add another five points for the deserving Bolton side, Juniper berry Rob Terry added the two points to give Bolton day light again. 27 – 14.

The game wasn’t over though as in the final ten minutes West Park scored a try, had a player sin binned and Bolton had two supporters sent to the “Stands” for comments allegedly made to the referee. However another Rob Terry kick sealed the win for Bolton in what really was a long drawn out fixture.

Next week Bolton travel to Oldham 2nd XV in what will definitely be a tough game. On the 12th October in 539 BC the army of Cyrus the Great of Persia takes Babylon, Bolton will hope to replicate this against Oldham.

Ps, If anyone knows where Relphy’s glasses are please let us know.

Final Score: Bolton 2nd XV 30 – 21 West Park St Helens 2nd XV

The pedantic referee Louis Spence MOTM award: James “Jeff Brazier” Higgins

Tries: Howarth, O’Donohoe, Frost

Convs: Terry x 3

Pens: Terry x 3

Dodgy Comment of the day: “The only thing higher than my blood pressure was Amy Winehouse” (Mark Townsend, 2013)

Regards,

Nash Bridges

Twitter: @nashbridgesNB

EVERYTHING LISTED ABOVE IS PURELY THE THOUGHTS AND VIEWS OF AN UNKNOWN SPECTATOR AND NOT THE VIEWS OF A PLAYER WITHIN THE SQUAD.