Bolton 2nd XV vs Tyldesley 2nd XV

Bolton 2XV appeared to use the “French exit” method this weekend as they escaped a potential defeat to Tyldesley 2XV at the Theatre of Trees. An Alexander L’Quegan salmon like try in the final 10 minutes sealed the Bolton win as they came under tense pressure throughout the game...read on if you can be bothered.

As the partially deaf flying pig Marc T’ownsend settled down on Friday night for his evening watching Eddie Stobart lorries, Bolton vice captain Tom Relph took some unimaginably lovely pictures of himself, these pictures are called, “Relphy Selfies” (Cheetham, 2013) and are available to purchase from any charity shop ran by blind old ladies.

The home team was hampered by several regular players being unavailable due to injuries, holidays, and call up’s* in what seemed like good timing as Bolton 2XV faced bottom of the league Tyldesley. However the away side had different ideas as the came to Avenue Street with a good strong side.

A Robert T’erry penalty in the first 5 mins saw Bolton score the first points after great running from all of the team, the next 25mins however frustrated the home team as Tyldesley scored a try and a penalty after poor tackling and man marking cost the Bolton team dearly.

A Bolton scrum just inside the Tyldesley half saw a line breaking run from Kwis el Turnoire set up a good platform in the Tyldesley 22m zone, scrum half Wayne B anks gave veteran Le Squizz Singleton the ball before he threw his trademark dummy and scampered beneath the posts to score Bolton’s opening try, Robert T’erry coverted to give Bolton the lead.

Half Time: Bolton 2XV 10 – 8 Tyldesley 2XV

The second half for Bolton was just as frustrating as the stop start game continued to hamper any flow to the game. The wet weather and lack of concentration caused poor handling and a scrappy rucking game in which Bolton were penalised on a number of occasions, but the Tyldesley kicker missed a number of kickable opportunities to give Tyldesley the lead.

The final 15mins saw Bolton relieve the pressure on themselves by kicking deep into the away teams half. However, it was a Tyldesley scrum that gave Bolton the chance they required, the ever likeable serial killer and bath lover Marc Crow La Maison scooped the loose ball after a powerful Bolton scrum, he popped to Turnoire who off loaded to L’Quegan who dived like a flying squirrel into the corner to put Bolton seven points clear. The conversion from the touchline (in bad conditions) was delightfully slotted by Jimmy Cranky impersonator and friend of all animals, Robert T’erry.

Tyldesley then came on a frustrated rampage for 10mins as Bolton’s solid defence held out and cleared their lines. A close call for a team who maybe needed a scare to bring them back down to earth after an easy game just a week before.

Next week on French actor Jacques Gamblin’s birthday Bolton 2XV travel to top of the league Blackburn 2XV in which is a battle for 1st position in the “Crouching tiger hidden mosquito division 2 premier”. Bolton will hope to get competition for places as they know winning at Blackburn will be difficult but definitely not out of reach.

Special mentions this week:

•Manwell Tailor for his unbelievable try the week before against Trafford MV. You can now stop moaning.
•Jean Le Stryker for coming home safely after a trip abroad.
•Riki Flutey for dedicating time to his friend Andrei Murtagh.
•Marcus J’Donohoe for sending inspiring text messages to people with large chins.
•Geoff L’Earle for just being Geoff.
•Marc T’ownsend for his love of HGV’s.

Final Score: Bolton 2XV 17 – 8 Tyldesley 2XV

The Pete Marriott Hi-tec Sporties MOTM award: Alex Quegan

Tries: Singleton, Quegan.

Convs: 2

Pens: 1

* This week’s absentee’s included: John Keech (Zambia school of tackling), Oli Relph (Promoting gay rights), Tom Relph (Massive nose injury), Ormes, Taff, Murtles (Boyz 2 Men tribute weekender in Edinburgh), Howarth (Body Maintenance).

Dodgy Comment of the day: “Hover-crafting and McDonald’s breakfasts are my life” (Mike Singleton, 2013)

Regards,

Nash Bridges

Twitter: @nashbridgesNB

EVERYTHING LISTED ABOVE IS PURELY THE THOUGHTS AND VIEWS OF AN UNKNOWN SPECTATOR AND NOT THE VIEWS OF A PLAYER WITHIN THE SQUAD.