Bolton 2nd XV vs Fleetwood 2nd XV

Saturday 7th December 2013 – “It’s ok mate, it happens to the best of us...”

“It’s ok mate, it happens to the best of us...” Those were the patronising words a young Thomas “Adrian Mole” Relph heard from self proclaimed 1st team legend Michael Singleton. That was three years ago (when Thomas believed he was a 1st team regular), now the boot is well and truly on the other foot as Corporal Squirrel now concentrates on losing pounds on his strict diet of Carr’s pasties / Iron man shakes and in turn takes advice from Bolton’s very own Adrian Mole.

On Saturday morning James Franks woke in his Dutch attic, his 2nd team diary pages were stuck together as the night before he’d wrote about the chance to represent Bolton 2nd XV on pitch number two at a jammed packed Avenue Street, that dream came true in the first half as hooker Dec Hampson fell from his trusted steed in a jousting battle with Camelot fan and chainmail lover Michael “A knight’s tale” Singleton.*

The first half was terrible and not much happened. Although veteran Garreth “Mrs Doubtfire” Evans seemed to have a sordid love affair in the 70’s with the referee...

Half Time: Bolton 2XV 0 – 0 Fleetwood 2XV

The frustrated Bolton troopers were rallied around the centre spot at half time as player / coach / Rafiki type character Pete Marriott asked for patience and basic rugby from the home team. A small change in the second half saw incestuous brothers Thomas and Oliver Relph swap places with Oliver replacing the blind but impressive mole as he ran off the pitch to start arranging ‘admin type’ duties for a week’s time.

As Fleetwood started to fatigue, Bolton’s ever attacking team started to make head way and scored in the corner through Tom Daley fan Oliver Relph, the conversion missed from the touchline.

The barrage of good runs continued as MOTM Franks, Mark “let the bath flow” Crow and Jason “Red mist fist” Cheetham asked questions of the Fleetwood defence. Bolton made some ground out wide where Chinese duo Alex “me-don’t-catch-a-lot” Waddicar and Marcus “me-don’t-pass-a-lot” O’Donohoe confused the away team with run after run.

Bolton sealed the win around the 65min mark after captain Keech ordered the team to avoid fly half Michael Singleton as he was slowing the pace of the game, this time the ball eventually found prolific try scorer Manny “The Dreg Master” Tailor who finished towards the “Heroin Wood” end of the pitch , this time the conversion was slotted by garden gnome Robert “Juniper Berry” Terry.

The home team hadn’t stopped there though, as the ball again worked its way out wide (still missing out Singleton) and the beneficiary this time was special boy Alex “Mandela” Quegan who scored in his first game since being given a special cap, again the conversion slotted by 1996 hide and seek champion Rob Terry.

Bolton travel to Wigan 2XV next week in what always proves to be a tough fixture, the 2nd XV now sit second in the league after Trafford MV lost to Sedgley Park.

The 14th December is also Nostradamus’ birthday (true fact) and he sent me an email (not true) predicting a successful day for Bolton 2nd XV should they play like they did in the 2nd half. His other famous predictions included:

• Pete Marriot will wear a cardigan / woolly jumper on Saturday.
• Manny Tailor will stand on the touchline line until the ball comes and then dive over the line stealing someone else’s try.
• Mike Singleton will tell everyone he is a pound from losing a stone and then run sideways all day.
• Marcus O’Donohoe will send a text to the club captain asking why Andrew Murtagh is still ahead of him.
• Andrew Murtagh will send a text to the club captain asking why is his still being picked in the 1’s despite being terrible.
• Rick Sandbrook will get really cold.
• Alex Waddicar will not be able to remove the Guinness and blackcurrant from his Ralph Lauren jumper (that he never takes off).

Final Score: Bolton 2XV 19 – 0 Fleetwood 2XV

The Pete Marriott Cardigan of Truth MOTM award: Anne Franks

Tries: Tailor, Quegan, O Relph.

Convs: 2 (Terry)

Pens: 0

Dodgy Comment of the day: “I love Moled Wine...” (Thomas Relph, 2013)

*Michael Singleton will be hosting a “Knights of Avenue Street Table” evening on Xmas Eve at Camelot. You must be wearing Knight wear and bring your strongest horse for battle. Hear ye Hear ye.

Regards,

Nash Bridges

Twitter: @nashbridgesNB

EVERYTHING LISTED ABOVE IS PURELY THE THOUGHTS AND VIEWS OF AN UNKNOWN SPECTATOR AND NOT THE VIEWS OF A PLAYER WITHIN THE SQUAD.