VOL 4s 37 - 34 Bolton 2's

Vale of Lune 4s vs. Bolton 2's

As Ronan Keating once said, "Life is a roller coaster"....at 2.15pm on 13th February 2010 the members of Bolton RUFC's 2nd XV sat back, clicked they're seatbelts, and began a 80minute journey to hell and back.

As the teams warmed up it was clear Vale had caught the same disease as Eccles the week before and brought around 20 players of all shapes and sizes for the visit of Bolton's steady 2nd team squad, the referee - a young confident fellow seemed to have everything in control, how wrong first impressions are sometimes.

Anyway........the game kicked off..........

As the first 5 minutes panned out it seemed the game was going to be a fiery affair, both teams exchanging hammer blows, Dave "Tugboat" Evans the man with the biggest hammer, his brother Stuart with the biggest toolbox. This start showed intention to attack from both sides.

However...it was Vale who struck first as they caught the Bolton team unaware, the conversion slotted. Bolton rallied together after the misfortune of conceding and proceeded to run through some well worked moves, newcomers Dave "3rd degree" O'Byrne and Matt "the moon" Parrish making inroads into the Vale defence. After a couple decent runs from Bolton players who were continuously directed by the evergreen Joe "white collar" Waller saw a chance occur, a well worked M1 move allowed the oldest player at Bolton RUFC Mike "Saga insurance" Single-ton to unleash the male version of Paula Radcliffe Jez "www.lastminute.com" Rees who sprinted around the frail Vale winger to finish in the corner, Danny "all the gear and no idea" Barlow slotted the conversion excellently from out wide, his new white boots justifying the £3.99 RRP price. Score 7-7.

Bolton seemed a team intent on making ground all over the park, excellent work in the loose from flanker Joe "Lego head" Smith and Simon Barlow Catterall allowed the half backs to give the team great field position at times.

(Cue the thunder, lightening, and general bad stuff)

It was from this point on that the referee decided to ruin both sides Saturday afternoon, ruck after ruck was stopped for infringements that only the dwarf with the whistle could see. This is where Vale took the lead, 2 unanswered penalties and a 2 converted tries followed for Vale as they're kicker - a tall chubby fellow (no not Barlow) slotted all with great ease....all Bolton could take from the first half was a sin binning of captain Chris "waffly versatile" Turner for asking the ref if he liked to shower in the Vale changing room before and after matches, a valiant stab at the ref's one sided performance, the winner was never to be the Bolton captain.

The half time whistle was very much welcomed as the teams split for words from they're respective camps, the referee sucking on a juicy Vale orange asking "is this performance ok for you boys?".......anyway the Bolton camp knew things had to improve.....changes were made, SandBrook no.1 came on alongside debutant Sean "Hellboy" Downs aswell as mobile prop Phil "apply ronseal in two" Coates.

Half Time score VOL 27 - 7 Bolton

As the second half started each team set out they're intentions. Bolton communicated well as they off loaded with skill time after time, making ground into the Vale half. Around 10 minutes in Bolton were attacking, as the ball skimmed through the backline.

Changes were made, Turner moved to second row (his original home) and Bolton's very own Mike Baldwin Mike Single-ton moved to his trailer park home in the no.10 position. Vale took advantage of the extra man and added to they're points total with another try and conversion, a dubious decision granted the vale player dropped the ball before scoring.....The score now 34 - 7 to the home side.

You could feel the anger building up inside the Bolton players, how could they score when everything seemed to be against them. As the game re-started it showed in the way the tackles flew in that the Bolton team still believed they could win the game, this showed more when with 25 minutes to go a well worked backs move involving Lee-Unit Tom Lee and ginger religious expert Mike Single-ton ended with Paula Radcliffe scoring her second try of the game, this was Rees' first game back from injury and playing him on the wing was precaution, Barlow kicked the extra's. The score 34-14. The option of playing Ree's seemed to pay off....well until he spear tackled the Vale full back and got sin binned, in typical refereeing style the Vale player getting red carded for retaliating and punching the Bolton winger, this left Bolton with 13 and Vale with one extra.

Vale continued to put Bolton on the back foot until roughly 20 minutes left, the agreed rolling subs option before the game worked wonders as Bolton brought back on the revitalised Dave O'Byrne, also joining O'Byrne was Tony "Bionic" McLaughlin who after charging his battery powered right knee up seemed full of energy. A great 60 minutes had been put in by the solid performers Ste "Geoff Capes" Beasley and Dave "the volcano" Evans. It seemed the Vale outside centre was an important part of the Vale network as the Bolton troops hit the gain line time after time after his exit, excellent angles from crash centre Tom "The Snow Leopard" Lee and England's best northern tackler John Keech's apprentice Sean "Down down do down" Downs allowed space to open up in wider areas, this aided in great field position where after a number of successful rucks scrum half Joe "dog collar" Waller took a dive kamikaze style over the try line to bring the teams closer, the conversion slotted by Mr Burns look-alike Danny "the frail" Barlow. The score now 34 - 19.

This game seemed extremely one sided from this moment in as Bolton hammered away at the Vale stables, the three wise men Crow, Catterall and Coates bringing nothing but pain to the Vale defence. It had taken all of 70 minutes to overcome the 16 man outfit and show them for the team they are, after Bolton made they're way time after time into the Vale half it seemed they had a great chance to win. After great runs from the Bolton backline, Barlow dancing his way around the non moving Vale players, he off loaded to youngster and new uncle Buck Joe Smith who gave the away team great position. As Bolton camped in the Vale 22m zone the gaps kept appearing, with 10 minutes left Serial killer Mark "the West" Crow found a loophole in the Vale defence and alot like Captain hook's pirate he curled himself into a ball and rolled over the whitewash, the conversion kicked by Barlow. The score 34 - 26.

The unrest in the Vale camp was plain to see, the believe in the Bolton side had never been stronger. Bolton received the kick off and attacked again sending shivers down the spines of the quivering Vale unit who were visibly unhappy with themselves. As Bolton edged closer to the Vale line the only way of stopping the Bolton train was to concede an obvious penalty, the decision was made to let the white booted frailty Barlow comfortably slot the 3 points bringing Bolton within a try of Vale with the score tittering at 34-29 to the home side.

The scenes were unbelievable with just 4 minutes left as Bolton had the chance to not only win the game but win the battle against a two tiered set-up. Bolton again collected the re-start and set to work hammering the Vale defence who's nervousness showed as they missed further tackles. Bolton ended up getting a penalty just within their half which allowed Thunderboot to drill it 50mtrs into the Vale 22m zone. From the resulting line out which bulls eye crow nailed into Sandbrooks arms before a rolling maul ensued, from the rolling maul the waffily versatile back / forward Turner broke from the back and heard the roars of swing low sweet chariot in the background (sung by Dave Evans feat. Anaconda Evans & DJ Beesles) Turner beat a Vale defender before off loading to his fully charged second row partner Tony McLaughlin who crashed over the line sending the 18 strong Bolton squad + travelling McLovin look-alike Sandbrook no.2 into pure happiness, the nervous Barlow however missed the conversion and the scores remained tied at 34-34.

Again from the resulting kick off the ball was secured by the confident Bolton side, as they controlled the game in the backs the ball found its way to veteran utility back Mike "Squizzy Rascal" Single-ton who lost his 50yr old marbles and unintentionally got penalised for crossing, again the referee who had spent the previous 30 minutes sane turned nasty again for no particular reason. Vale looked around, they had subbed they're star kicker, but due to the rolling subs rule he appeared "tee in hand" ready to crush the Bolton hearts from 35mtrs, the ball slotted through the uprights and Vale took the spoils. A great game overall which at times was spoilt by inadequate refereeing, Vale took there chances, on another day and with a different referee and Vale kicker the game would have been entirely different.

Final Score VOL 4s 37 - 34 Bolton 2's

MOTM: Mark Crow (excellent throwing in the line out and domination in the scrum, priceless in the loose.)

Scorers:
Tries: Rees 2, Waller, Crow, McLaughlin
Conv: Barlow 3
Pen: Barlow

Quote of the day: "Just shut up!!!" (Dave Evans telling Dave O'Byrne what to do with his comments as Bolton go 20 - 7 down)