Bolton 2nd XV vs Eccles 2nd XV

In the Pride Lands of Heaton, a weird welsh king rules over the other animals, who celebrate the birth of future king Rob Terry, son of King Taff Evans and Queen Janice of Heroin Rock. Younger brother, Jay Cheetham, is jealous and resentful of Rob Terry, who replaces Jay as heir to the throne.

A few months later, as Rob Terry grows into a curious ginger lion cub, King Taff gives him a tour of the Theatre of Trees, teaching him the responsibilities of being a king and the circle ball of life. Later that day, evil Jay Cheetham tricks Rob Terry into exploring an ex player’s grave yard, forbidden by Taff Evans, with his best friend, female lion cub Skip Rat, despite the protests of Taff’s hornbill majordomo Geoff Earle. At the ex players graveyard, the cubs are attacked by three spotted scallies, Waddy, James Howarth, and Dave Ormes, before Taff, having been alerted to the scene by Geoff, rescues them and willingly forgives Terry for his actions blaming it on Oli Relph. Later that night, the Spotted scallies, who are in alliance with Jay Cheetham, plot with him to kill aging Taff and his son Rob Terry, who are both unaware of their intentions.
The next day Jay lures Terry to Rivington Pike and tells him to wait there while he gets Taff. On Jay’s orders, the scallies stampede a large herd of wildebeest (Stryker, Turner & Hampson) into the gorge where Terry is. However Taff rescues Terry, but as Taff tries to climb up the Rivington castle walls, Jay throws him back into the stampede, killing him. After Terry finds Taff’s Mrs Doubtfire like body in the gorge, Jay then tricks him into thinking that Taff’s death is his fault and commands him to run away forever. As Terry leaves to work on the rail in Brighton, Jay orders the scallies to kill Terry, but the ginger cub escapes tackles for fun. Scar then announces that both Taff and Terry were killed in the stampede and steps forward as the new king, allowing a swarm of scallies to live and score tries in the Heroin Grass Lands of Avenue Street.

Terry, now far from home, collapses in a Lostock from exhaustion, but is found by Rick Sandbrook and Mike Singleton, a Meercat and a warthog who nurse him back to health. Mr Glass and Singleton then take Terry in to live with them in Horwich, and the ginger lion lives a carefree life under the motto "Zumba Zumba" ("no worries"). Years later, Rob Terry, now a ginger adult, rescues Rick & Singy from a hungry lioness, who turns out to be Skip Rat. The two reconcile and fall in love. Skip Rat tries to get Terry to come back home, telling him the Heroin Grass Lands have become a wasteland with not enough players for four teams. Still feeling guilty over Taff’s death, Terry refuses and storms off, leaving Skip Rat disappointed and angry.

Wise monkey Pete Marriott former adviser and friend of Taff’s, tracks Terry down, telling him that Taff is still "alive" and taking him to Mortfield Lodge. There Terry is visited by the ghost of Taff Evans in the sky, who tells him that he must take his rightful place as the true king of the Heroin Grass Lands. Terry then realizes that he can no longer run from his past and goes back home. Skip Rat, Rick Sandbrook and Mike Singleton join him, and agree to help him fight.

At the Heroin Grass Lands, Terry confronts Jay. Jay then taunts Terry over his "part" in Taff’s death, but when Jay pushes Terry to the edge of 3rd team rugby, he admits that he killed Taff. Enraged, Ginger berry Terry jumps back up and forces Jay to reveal the truth to the other lions. Sandbrook, Singleton, Marriott and the lionesses fight off the scallies while Jay, attempting to escape, is cornered by Terry at the top of Avenue Street. Jay begs Terry for mercy, saying he is family and places the blame on the waddy, Howarth and Ormes. Terry says he does not believe Jay anymore, but spares his life and commands him to forever leave the Theatre of Trees. Jay meekly walks past him drinking a Guinness & black, but then attacks his nephew. After a fierce battle, Terry throws his uncle off the scaffolding at the Rugby club. Cheetham survives the fall, but is attacked and killed by the scallies, who overheard his attempt to betray them.

With Jay and the scallies gone, Terry descends from the top of Mortfield Pavilion and takes over the 2nd team scrum half roll as the rain falls again. Sometime later, the Theatre of Trees is restored to its former glory and Terry looks down happily at his kingdom with Skip Rat, Sandbrook, and Singleton by his side; Marriott presents Rob Terry’s and Skip Rats newborn cub “Josh Richardson” to the inhabitants of the Heroin Grass Lands and the "circle ball of life" continues.

Final Score: Bolton 2nd XV 18 – 17 Eccles 2nd XV

The Pete Marriott Down Town Abbey MOTM award: Taff Evans

Tries: Howarth & Waddicar

Convs: Lever

Pens: Terry x 2

Dodgy Comment of the day: “I am 2 pounds short of losing a stone” (Liar Mike Singleton, 2013)

Regards,

Nash Bridges

Twitter: @nashbridgesNB

EVERYTHING LISTED ABOVE IS PURELY THE THOUGHTS AND VIEWS OF AN UNKNOWN SPECTATOR AND NOT THE VIEWS OF A PLAYER WITHIN THE SQUAD.